Step-By-Step Guide To Flirting

Flirting used to describe giddy little school boys and girls passing notes in class. Perhaps you were one of the boys who would flirt with a girl back then, but now, it just seems too daunting a task. There is little doubt that you have to do it, though. Flirting accomplishes several key things.

1. It shows the other person that you are interested in them.
2. It gives the other person a small but powerful look at the type of person that you are.
   

She will either come to you or she will turn and run. The decisive factor is how well you can flirt. Before you become overwhelmed, though, realize that flirting is a process that you can be successful at when you take it step-by-step. Flirting can be fun, too. Once you learn how to do it, chances are good that you’ll be good at it and it will work for you as a charm virtually every time.

Follow these steps for successful flirting on your part. You’ll also be able to recognize easier when others are flirting with you!

Step 1: Learn About The Girl
Because flirting is an individual situation where two very different people must find some common ground to get to know each other, the first step is to learn all you can about the girl that you are planning to flirt with. This means learning what makes her happy and what will impress her.

For example, if you are interested in talking to a girl who is very traditional and loves romance, flirting with her may mean flowers or even a sweet poem that you write just for her. On the other hand, if she’s more of a modern woman, she may not find this type of treatment entertaining at all. She may find flowers boring. Instead, she may like it if you buy her a drink or even invite her for coffee before work one day.

The only way for you to know what will work for the girl is to learn as much about her as you can. The more you know, the easier it will be to tailor the type of flirting you do so it will work in your favor. What facts can you gather about her? What does she enjoy doing? What do you know about her from friends? Do you know about the types of activities she enjoys? If not, you can often gauge a lot about a person by their clothing and the way that they talk and act. Gather as much information about her as possible. Don't pry into the intimate details of her personal life - you're looking for conversation material, not tabloid headlines.

Step 2: Take It Easy
It’s easy to gather information and stay detached, but remember that you do need to approach her at some point to get to know her. Once you have gathered the information you need, you can start getting ready to flirt with her. Slow and steady is important.

Start by just making sure she knows who you are and where you are. You want to make sure that she knows that you are alive. You can do this simply, just by making your presence known in the situation that you are in. Your goal is to go from the guy she may have seen someplace before to the guy that she has seen around several times.

If you move too quickly here and simply jump at her with all the lines you’ve prepared, you’ll scare her or make her nervous. Instead, you want to come off as a natural part of her life, someone that would blend right in with the way that she’s living her life now. The best way to get to know her at this point, then, is as simple as saying, "Hi." That’s it, just "Hi." This will let her know that you are there, and you are just an average guy who's being polite. It may spark her interest in you, too.

Later, you'll do more to meet her. Each time you see her (and you should make a point of seeing her) do the same thing. After doing this several times, she will be expecting you to say "Hi" to her. Now, she’s waiting for a few seconds that she’ll be able to talk to you. And she may even be hoping that you’ll say something more. You remain calm and collected, as if you have many other things going on in your life. Eventually, you’ll start a short conversation with her. At this point, she’s more relaxed and so are you. You’ll even feel less worried or scared about it.

Step 3: Flirt With Her
Now, it’s time to flirt with her to let her know that you are interested in her. As you are talking to her, you want to flirt with her in a unique way, perhaps in the way that you have determined is the way that she’ll appreciate. Flirting with a girl is a great way for her to actually know that you like her or are just interested in learning more about her.

Every woman, and man for that matter, wants to feel important and valued and this is the ideal time to make sure that she knows that. When flirting with a girl, make sure that she knows that you value her. Give her the feeling that you value her, without actually saying those words. You’ll have to be a bit creative here, especially at first, but soon you’ll learn exactly how easy it can be to enjoy flirting with her or any other girl you want to get to know.

Techniques To Use
Here are some flirting techniques that aren’t too cheesy but that really do work in a number of different situations. Choose those that you know will impress and ignite her curiosity about you.

• Use a bit of humor to get things started, but don’t be rude or otherwise negative in that humor. For example, don’t say, “Did you see that guy with the overalls and the beer belly?” Instead, say something humorous but positive. Joking about your own behavior is a great way to start. “I thought for sure I was going to make a fool out of myself.” Make her smile, and make her laugh!
  
  
• Be sweet. You’ve heard the saying that sugar is a better lure? It works here too. Be sweet to her. Use compliments about the way that she looks; hold open doors, be sweet in the words that you say to her. You can overdo this to the point that she will become annoyed with you. That’s not what you want! Small, simple gestures make all the difference.
  
  
• Be her friend, but only a bit. The last thing that you want to do is to ask her for coffee only to spend the next three hours listening to her talk about her boyfriend or her ex. That’s not what you want. Nevertheless, you should be a distant friend, just not her confidant. Of course, being a friend does mean being open with her. If you let the situation progress to where she sees you as a friend instead of as a boyfriend, chances are good that you’ll never pull out of that situation.
  
  
• You won’t look like a dork! Many guys refrain from doing what feels natural, such as holding her hand or opening a car door for her for fear that they will look like a dork to her. That’s not the case - she’ll be impressed that you thought of her. Don’t feel like you are a dork if you want to make her laugh or you feel the need to say something stupid.

Step 4: The All Important Touch
One of the most important ways to flirt with a girl is to touch her. It is never appropriate to touch her in a seductive way unless you have moved into that part of the relationship (which is nowhere near this point!) But, a touch doesn’t have to be about sexual urges. It is one of the most powerful ways that you can show your interest and spark hers for you, too. The touch is a very complicated process right? After all, how are you supposed to get your hand to touch her skin? Instincts will kick in for you, we promise. You’ll know that it’s okay to make your move and experience will also help.

How can you touch her? There’s no need to have a huge box of popcorn during the movie and to hope that your hands meet. Instead, look for other ways to touch her. Perhaps a strand of hair has fallen into her face as you have been talking to her. Gently move it to the side so that you can see her face. Perhaps you want to show her that you would like to get to know her even though you just met her. If her hand is on the bar, for example, touch it lightly with your own hand to get her attention. Don’t move it away too fast.

As you walk out of the building, you can easily open a door for her and brush her hand with your own. You can easily take a glass from her hand and touch her skin with your own. Other ways for you to flirt with her through touch include: a pat on the shoulder or her back, a hug goodbye, instead of a kiss, an invitation to thumb wrestle with you! These things are very simple and that’s the point. You want to motivate her to enjoy being touched by you even in this slight way.

This method of flirting is one that will have her begging for more attention from you. When you touch someone, you are being a little bit intimate with that person. This intimacy will later grow into an attraction that will bring the two of you together. What’s more it will create a link between the two of you.

Step 5: Know The No’s
There are plenty of situations that qualify as “just don’t do it” situations. By knowing what you should not be doing, you’ll be well on your way to empowering yourself without taking steps backward. Here are some don’ts to know about:

• Don’t be too macho or too arrogant. Don’t assume that you have the right to touch her if she doesn’t enjoy it.
  
  
• Don’t touch her in any way that is provocative. If you touch her chest, her backside or her leg, you aren’t talking about getting to know her. You are talking about wanting to do more with her. That’s a definite turnoff for most girls.
  
  
• Don’t call her too often. Once you get her phone number, you don’t want to make yourself look desperate by calling her several times. Call her once, leave her a message. If she doesn’t call you back, call her one more time and invite her to call you for dinner next weekend.
  
  
• Don’t overdo it in the friend department. As I said, this is not where you want to be.
  
  
• Don’t say anything that could be insulting to her. You don’t want to say anything negative about her to anyone especially when you are talking to those that know her.
  
  
• Don’t lie or make yourself look like more than you are. Even if she agrees to see you, once she learns that you aren’t who you say you are, she’ll walk away. She will do this because you lied to her, not because you don’t have what she wants. 99 percent of girls are interested in guys that are like them.
  
  
• Don’t talk about other girls, ever. Just don’t. And don’t let her see you looking at another girl across the room. This is an instant way to lose her once and for all.
  

There seem to be many things that you shouldn’t do. The fact is that you can rule all of these out when you simply act like yourself and be respectful of the girl that you are interested in getting to know. That’s all it takes to flirt with a girl!

Realize You Are Worth It

Far too many men don’t realize that they are a good choice for a woman. Give yourself credit, you are worth dating! If you are too hard on yourself, you’re letting yourself down in the end. Instead, what you need is to be positive and motivated.

If you aren’t sure what makes you a good mate, it's time to define that. List all of your good points. Keep in mind how important it is for you to realize that women should be flocking to you. In fact, once you learn why you are so valuable to women, they will be even more attracted to you because of this increased confidence. A man who is confident in what he can offer to a woman is one who will attract them.

Practice Makes Perfect

Although it is hard to get your foot in the door and get started with asking girls out and even just talking to them, it’s the best way for you to actually improve your skill. Practice makes perfect which also means that the first few times that you talk to a girl, you are likely to fall flat on your face. That’s a learning experience and each time will get easier.

You should talk to several women, not the same one over and over again. If you wanted to learn how to ski, you would have to get out there on the slopes several times. The same methodology is effective here. Practice!